Wednesday, May 22, 2013

What Do They Deserve?

"Oh! I always deserve the best treatment, because I never put up with any other;"
Yes, Emma.
Although anyone who dares imply that Mr. Knightley is a blockhead doesn't deserve much in the way of good treatment, in my opinion.
Today's (first) post is going to be about what the different Austen villains deserve.
I'm sure we've all gotten super angry at the various Austen villains at least once, so I don't think I need much explanation.
Mr. Elton deserves... to be snubbed at a ball.  Maybe he'll dance with Harriet then, even though he's "an old married man."
I can't help liking Frank Churchill, so no comment there.
Mrs. Elton should have to show everyone Maple Grove, which is really just a ramshackle old cottage somewhere.
Pride and Prejudice:
Wickham needs 20 years in jail.
Lady Catherine should go fall in a lake somewhere and get helped out by Lizzy.  Can you imagine?
Sense and Sensibility:
Willoughby has already suffered ALMOST enough.  He just needs to get slighted by Marianne occasionally.
Lucy Steele needs to go bankrupt.  Then we'll see if she thinks her love for (excuse the spoiler) Robert is enough to live on!
Northanger Abbey:
John Thorpe...ugh, even the name is repulsive.  Ick.  He needs...really just a punch on the nose.  And getting ignored by every young, pretty girl on the street for a week.  That'd teach him! Heh heh heh...
General Tilney isn't so bad, I guess.  He should marry Lady Catherine.
Sir Walter Elliot needs to be told Anne is pretty.
Elizabeth needs to be told that Anne is prettier than she is.  Hah!
Mansfield Park:
Mrs. Norris needs to volunteer at Feed My Starving Children weekly for a year.
Henry Crawford...has reaped the results of his folly already.
Well, that's everybody, excepting Lady Susan.  I wasn't sure what to give her.
Please let me know what you think, and if you have any suggestions, comments, or criticism, please share!  I love to hear from you!
Next up: I need to say something about the Scarlet Pimpernel.  I might do another character study.
-Miss Jane Bennet


Miss Elliot said...

This is soooo funny!!!! "Lady Catharine should go fall in a lake somewhere and get helped out by Lizzy." Heehee.
(And I can't help liking Frank Churchill, either. Well, I like the book one, and the 2009 one (because of his N&S connections mostly, haha) but the Gwyneth Paltrow one gives me the CREEPS. Ugh.)

Miss Jane Bennet said...

Miss Elliot,
Ehehehehe, I'm glad you enjoyed it! :) Goodness, I'd almost forgotten this existed...when I wrote this, I didn't even know how to put pictures in my post. *reminisces gloomily*
Um...anyways. HAHA. The hairrrrr is a bit weird, though I'm a fan of Ewan McGregor (the Gwyneth Paltrow Frank, you know) in general. :P This was one version where he really needed the "haircut" he went to London for! My opinions on Frank have changed a bit--I now think that he is the technical villain of the piece. But I do still like him; he has a good heart in general, haha.